8 weeks - *possible trigger*

Today started out like any other. Typical Saturday, hanging out with my daughter, went to visit my parents. My dad complains that I don't bring over his granddaughter enough.

I was 8 weeks pregnant this morning. By 3pm in the afternoon I was no longer entitled to say that.

At 3pm I lost my baby. I had been spotting brown blood for two days. Everyone told me not to worry because brown means old blood.

I had no warning, one minute it was brown, the next its bright red and my baby was gone.

I've had miscarriages before, at 4 and 5 weeks. This, this felt different. I hadn't heard his/her heartbeat yet, but I know at this point in my pregnancy it would have been there.

I know that miscarriage is a possibility, that it happens. But, why did it happen to me again. I felt different, like this was a healthy pregnancy, I was 2 months in. I wasn't cramping, even with the blood spotting for 2 days.

Then it just happened. I had no control. Now I'm in so much physical and emotional pain. I didn't want to have to tell my husband that it happened again. Now we have to tell our step kids. I don't want to. I just want my baby.

I just want to rewind today. That it's still Saturday morning and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I took this picture Friday night. Because I felt bloated and looked 20 weeks pregnant.

Now I don't get to meet my baby. The loss I feel is so real and I don't know how to accept it. But I know I have to.

Thank you to those who read this far. To all of those who have felt this, you're strong and I appreciate your strength. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.