Okay.

So I met this guy online and we have literally been talking for over 2 years.

I really like him. In fact you could say I love him. I only ask that you don’t tell me “Oh he could be a catfish.” I know that, and I am accepting of the risk. Well, anyways, we first met on a game and I really admired that he was able to go up and talk to others like it was nothing (I am quite soft-spoken and shy) We became really good friends— and right now we are best friends. I literally do not know what he looks like, and I’ve heard his voice once. I really don’t care though, because who am I to pressure him? I think he’s scared quite honestly, because we both agreed to keep our faces hidden until we meet up irl. (I will bring a friend, I’m not that stupid) The thing is... English isn’t his first language so he doesn’t want to speak because he doesn’t know how to pronounce it well. And uhm... I think he likes me..

Which I’m happy with of course, but I’m so afraid to try new things that he might get mad and leave me... Which I don’t think would end well because when he’s frustrated at me, I just feel literal waves of sadness crashing over me and my chest gets so tight... I just want to die at that moment.. I get thoughts like “I don’t deserve to live” or “look what you’ve done, you’ve made him mad.. why couldn’t you have just have played the game” (that’s usually what he gets frustrated over, because as I said before I am afraid to try new things, and the reason for that I’d bc I was... well, am getting bullied... they’d taunt me when I tried new things which caused me to develop anxiety and depression) I don’t know...

I’m really sad...

I really, really like him

I don’t care if he is a catfish honestly...

The fact that he stayed there for me and helped me is more than I could ask for...

I know I have something wrong with me..

Normal people wouldn’t think like this..

I know..

But I guess that’s what the world made me into.

Sorry for boring you with my Essay...

I might see you again

Goodbye