Feeling Alone and Need to Get it Out

I’m possibly going through my third loss in a row. Praying it’s just a slow grower but not holding my breath. Had a scan on Monday which was 7weeks from lmp and 6w4d based off ovulation but it barely measured 5 weeks. I’ve refused to get excited this time around but I’m really struggling with this. Only people that know anything is my bf and a couple people at work (manager and one of my favorite coworkers) other coworkers “know” because of my restrictions but haven’t been told officially. My bf refused to tell anyone because of the previous losses and now I just feel so alone. I even regret telling him I’m pregnant because now regardless of outcome he wants to be done and mentioned getting a vasectomy. I feel like a failure and just wish this nightmare would end. It may sound stupid but the night before my first loss last year (second one out of 3 so far) I had a dream I was in Paris. At the Eiffel Tower. During my next pregnancy every time I saw an image of the Eiffel Tower I cringed and eventually I lost that one to a missed miscarriage. This time around I tried not to let the image of the Eiffel Tower get to me but yesterday when I went to a house call for work (vet tech) I turned around and on the wall was a hand sketched picture of the client in front of, you guessed it, the Eiffel Tower and I got the worst feeling of dread despite trying not to let it bother me. When we got back to the clinic I had a very sharp pinching sensation on the side that turns out to have an almost 4cm cyst on that ovary next to the corpus luteum and I ended up having some spotting. Spotting has stopped (so far hasn’t come back but I dread using the restroom) but I can’t help but lose hope 😢