Just need to vent. Anyone who reads it and has encouraging comments is appreciated!

DH and I have been discussing ttc for almost a year now. He plans to get his PhD starting in the coming school year, so he wanted to wait until he knew where we would be living. Now, he has made a decision, so last week we had a serious talk. I was prepared for him to say he wanted to wait a little while longer, even though we said we'd start trying in March. I did not want to get my hopes up. When we talked, he said he'd be ready in March, so let's do it! I was SOOOOOOO excited! I asked him so many times if he was sure, and he assured me that he was, he just couldn't be excited about it until we started trying.

Now, we've been together since 2011, so I know him pretty well. Hes not a "macho Man" who hides his emotions. He started acting really weird any time I brought up babies and TTC. So I kept pushing him to tell me what was going on. I feel like we have pretty good communication usually, but he wasn't giving me ANYTHING. FINALLY last night I got it out of him.

He is anxious about starting his PhD program.

He is worried that with all of the changes, he won't be able to give 100% to me and a baby.

He has never taken care of a baby before, and doesn't know what to expect.

I'm so relieved and so disappointed at the same time. I don't want to wait to start ttc, but I can't do this if he's not 100% in it, and all of his concerns are totally valid. I just wish he had told me before I got my hopes up.

After our talk, he says he feels a lot better about it, but I told him not to give me an answer until he is sure. This might be dramatic, but I feel so hurt that he didn't tell me this in the first place when I was prepared for it. I can't get excited again just for him to change his mind again.