I'm not an openly sexual person. I was raped and molested frequently growing up and it took almost 10 years to allow myself to even feel good about sex with a significant other. Yes I went through counselling, was told it wasn't my fault, my lack of drive is from guilt, the whole nine.

Over the last couple years I've allowed myself to explore what I like and don't like.

Sex with him is a teeter totter. Some times its amazing as hell and I find myself in pure ecstasy; while others its almost like he just needs to get off.

He doesn't masturbate, and honestly it shocks me we dont have sex more often.

The problem I have is he doesn't always work me up to it. Like there will be kissing here and there, then he'll go down and we go from that point. But even when he does go down, it's weird. I have to shut everything out and focus really hard on trying to enjoy it. This is usually remembering what hes done in the past and trying to turn myself on, so to speak.

I have always been sensitive to opening up to another about what I like. A huge part of me still feels guilty for even enjoying sex. But I know I need to with him, or we are doomed to have a sexless relationship and I don't want to put him through that...

How can I open up, tell him what I like and maybe get him to do it every time?