Something I've come to notice recently is, I might be viewing God in the wrong light? I was raised in a really religious Pentecostal household. I never liked going to church but it was just because I never liked the people in that church. They've always been so rude, judgemental and fake. But I always believed in God. When I was younger when my mother would tell me about God it was always in a scary way. Like she would say God would punish me if I ever did anything wrong or when I didn't want to go to church and would stay home alone she would tell me it's just me and God and I better not make him angry or God doesn't like ugly and whatever. So I've always thought of God as a big, scary man who's watching my every move and judging harshly. I've always been scared of God. Tbh I still am. It makes it hard to have a relationship with your higher power when you're scared of them or scared of the thought of them. I know people say you should fear God but I'm not sure this is what they mean.