My husband & I have been together for 7 years, married for 3 & 1/2. We have struggled sexually though a lot of our marriage. This was due to the fact that I was sexually abused as a child. He has been my rock through it all. Been to countless therapy appointments. Held me when I cried. We’ve also dealt with his own insecurities because of me & my sexuality. We finally had a break through & have been doing amazing. Sex comes so much easier & we decided to start a family. I gave birth to our son a little over a month ago. Everything was going good with the recovery. I still had my libido & was helping him get off at least weekly.

Well the other day I looked at his phone to put on the baby monitor while we were getting into the shower. I see an app that he’s getting videos from women. He’s flirty with them too. “Hey gorgeous”. I confronted him & he said he wasn’t cheating.

SideBar: I’ve always been ok with him watching porn as long as it doesn’t turn into an issue. He has a higher libido than I do & can take care of it himself.

Back to the conversation. He tells me that porn just wasn’t working for him anymore & just thought he’d try something new. His reasoning for flirting is to get the price lower.

He handled everything really well. Immediately apologized. Told me he understood how that could come across as flirting. That he didn’t think it would be different from porn. Try comforting me & seem genuinely remorseful. He’s been really upset with himself since. Told me he’s sorry countless times & wished he would have just talked to me about it first.

This is also the first time he’s done anything like this. I checked the history in the app & his email. He’s not the try to do anything like this. I’ve never once even been suspicious of him.

Now here’s where I’m stuck. It feels like cheating to me. I had 100% trust in him before. I’m at the point now where I feel so gross (I just had the baby). He’s been really depressed. He feel like he put so much work into our marriage & ruined it. He’s embarrassed he even had to pay for videos to get off. I don’t even feel like I’ve had time to process everything as I’ve been non stop taking care of our child.

I’m frustrated that he’s turned to being depressed & checked out instead of stepping up. I get that resolving this is going to take time & not be easy. We already had sexual issues to begin with. I’m doing most of the work with the baby, the house, our animals, & now I feel like I need to take care of him. I feel like I should be the one who is a depressed mess instead of him.

I really don’t want to get divorced over this. We just had a baby & I don’t want him to grow up in a broke home. I just don’t know how to move on. I suggested therapy but he didn’t like that idea as we’ve been to tons of therapy. I also think he would be really embarrassed to tell someone else. Does anyone have any advice? Or has gotten over infidelity in their marriage? Help please 💔

Sorry if this is jumbled. I’m still trying to process everything.