Rant.

I give up. I've worked so hard to lose weight. 50 whole pounds in total, and that's a hell of weight to lose when you're 217 pounds and when i was at the age of 15. Now I'm 17, i lost 50 pounds which means i was at 167, a weight i thought i would NEVER see again, but now i'm back in the 190's. Almost 200 fucking pounds. I've tried to be healthy on and off, my boyfriend trying to help and motivate me...but i can't find the motivation i had in the beginning of my weight lost journey. I feel disgusting, obese, and just a dissapointment. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful and that he would never leave me even if i was 6 million pounds. I believe him. My parents tell me that he'd leave me if i got to big. I feel lazy and i feel like a slob and i feel like a bitch. I feel like my boyfriend deserves better because i treat him a way people shouldn't be treated, but it's not always like that because we really so love wXhother and i love with all my heart and it's not always arguing...i don't know where i'm going with this. Just needed to let put a few things to anyone who's willing to read. You don't even need to reply or comment, this post is just simply me putting out my feelings. Random to write it out to strangers but oh well.