Hey ladies im feeling alil emotionally lately. I dont know how to feel or want. When my ex left me we didnt have contact for a month. (Just drama) He then started threathening 50/50 because i told him i was fed up and putting him on child support. After a year not working i wanted him to get his shit together. He wasnt even home most of the time letting me do everything on my own with my 2 year old and 1 year old while he went out to smoke. He wanted to alternate every other month then it turned into every other week then 3 days every week/ overnight. Everything was getting frustrating he threaten to take them as long as he wanted & all he was doing at that time was smoking mutiple times a day. There was no court order so i didnt feel comfortable letting him take them. He refused to meet up anywhere or see them at my parents. He finally came by last thursday to see them and say hi. My son didnt even remmeber him and my daughter was confused. He was with them 20 min outside. His attiude was alil different with me, he seemed more "nicer" it had been 2 1/2 months since he had seen them and when he left he didnt mentioned about when he wanted to see them again. He did get a job and had told me a few weeks ago his only day off was wednesday and everyday he works from 4pm-2am. I texted him over the weekend and asked if he wanted to take the kids. He said yes and wendesdsy came and took them from 11am-430pm. He was suppose to bring them back at 7 but idk what happen he lied about saying he had to go to autozone or that he was tired which he did look like it. I didnt ask anything it felt weird bein away from my kids and i was happy to have them back. He said he will get them next wendesday again and see if he has abit more energy next time. I felt crush, i dont understand how we were a family at one point, we would go out to the stores/places as a family. Spend time the 4 of us (when he would actually be home) & now its like his kids barely exist. I would think he would want to see them often. I dont know what kind of work he does. He mentioned about how he usually wakes up at 10am. I know he goes out his way to smoke and chill with his friends before work and even after work at 2am. Thats what he likes to do. Thats 5-6 hours to himself before going into work. If he was to get our kids it would be a 30-40 min ride back and forth. He would really only be able to spend 3-4 hours(?) On any other day beside wednesday. Im actually alil angry. I dont think its a "hassle" when it comes down to seeing his kids..i already knew he would have no clue to how it would really be like once he found a job and the distance between us. I also didnt think he would be working so much, i thought he would have atleast 2 days off...the thing that bother me the most is i try to be understanding, if all he can do for now is once a week okay but why doesnt he even hit me up to see how his kids are? How does he not miss them to want to know of them, to ask for pictures or a phone call/video call? It blows my mind. Wendsday coming up will be his second time taking them. Hes technically seen the kids 6 hours out of a week last week. Maybe all this is still too fresh and hes still getting the hang our of his scedule. But isnt it slighting fucked up how he has time to smoke after or before work? He picks up his friends so if he really was tired he would not go anywhere but i found out he will cruise around 😔. Im trying to just focus on me and my kids but sometimes it feels really lonely. Sometimes its not easy doing it all alone, its hard i do spend the whole day with them, i work from 5am-10am everyday and i get home right when they wake up. we live in my parents living room and i have no car. I feel like a single mom. I dont know if i should continue just doing me and take this as a blessing that i can raise them while they r still too small but i also feel like him not asking about his kids or try to see them other days isnt okay. I feel like if i try to motivate them to see them on another day it will be "hard" for him to come here to get them and bring them back considering his scedule, but again he had time to pick up friends...some of my friends told me to leave it alone and wait for him to come around, others say its his responsibility to help out and it doesnt matter if hes tired, hes a parent now...just wondering what do u guys think about my situation or if anyone can give me advice? I have been feeling so lonely i want him to be more involve. 😞