MIL from hell 😩👹

Sorry if this is the wrong group to post this in...

I need advice...and to vent!

So my partner has always had issues with his mother since he was a child, she used to beat him and take all of her anger and problems out on him from the age of 5 after his dad left the family home. All through him growing up she has never been supportive, loving, caring or done any of the ‘motherly’ things she should have done for him. He moved out at 16 and they have never had a great relationship since. He’s now 31. They speak on occasion and we probably see her every 8 weeks or so, she lives 5 minutes from our home but never makes any effort with him or me. She has always been snide with me ever since she met me, bringing up his ex girlfriend talking about memories she and her had (apparently they hated each other), she made miss him walking in on his surprise 30th birthday party because she forced me to go the toilet with her (she’s perfectly capable of going alone but she wanted her drink holding apparently), she refuses to come and see our home that we have lived in for over a year yet she only lives 5 minutes away, it’s always about coming to her or taking her somewhere if we ever see her. I

A couple of weeks ago I had my baby shower which I invited her to, his cousin had got there before she arrived and warned me that she wasn’t best pleased about coming as she didn’t feel welcome and was unsure about my family! At this point I just wanted to call her and tell her not to come, this woman makes 0 effort in mine or her sons life, I have always been nothing but exceptionally nice to her despite their relationship! So it was just an odd comment but she’s always looking for drama and a moan, so I let it go. Whilst she was at the shower she managed to offend my friend who struggles with her weight by asking her if she was pregnant (I feel like she did this to be a super cow considering my friend was blatantly drinking pink gin all day), my mum and sister also made a huge effort with her which they got no response from and dirty looks throughout the day, other members at my shower also commented on her filthy looks and heard her complaining about the food.

3 weeks ago her and my partner had a huge fall out to the point where she has blocked his number and threatened to take her own life. He is fed up of how she’s made him feel and he had to say something as she was now trying to mouth me off to family members. She bought us a Moses basket for our daughter for Christmas which we said we would collect before she was due (so this was still 6 weeks to go), she was fine with that and told us to collect whenever we wanted. Id spoken to her earlier that week and she asked if we were prepared and I said that our daughter had so much stuff and was spoilt! She then took this as I didn’t want or need the Moses basket and that I was so rude and ungrateful. I mean seriously? She didn’t mention a thing about the basket, I was always under the impression we would be collecting it a lot nearer the time. She completely tore me apart to his family members (who don’t know me too well to defend or have their own opinion), and this of course got back to him and he lost his shit with her. He said he’s dealt with her putting him down for years and making him feel shit but he certainly won’t be letting her do it to me and my daughter, especially when I’ve been nothing but nice and accepting of her the entire time.

She flipped out and called me and him names, blocked his number and then cried to her other son that she wanted to kill herself which has then caused my partner and him to fall out because he doesn’t understand how my partner feels considering she’s always been a good mother to him.

I’m now days away from being induced and his number is still blocked, he doesn’t want to back down or turn up at her home. Which I COMPLETELY understand. My partner doesn’t raise issues very often so I know that this had built up and really upset him, he just wants her to care and she never will because of the person she is. He’s worried about our daughter being born and how she’s going to act, or how we will even share the news with her because he has told me I’m not to text her! Everyone is saying that he HAS to apologise to her and make it up before the birth and to let her know as soon as her granddaughter is born. I really do not agree with him apologising, he needs the apology from her to move forward with any of this. Would you ignore everything that had happened for the sake of a fake relationship and so that she could meet her grandchild?

I’m so stuck with what to do as I’m worried not telling her will only make things worse between them, but I also completely stand by my partner in him not backing down. He wants her to make an effort with her own son, not just for the sake of a new grandchild! Advice welcome (sorry for the super long post)