*Long story leading up to the part where I need help* 😅

So I have known that I was bisexual, since I was sixteen. On my birthday, my friend and I almost accidentally kissed and I was always aroused at the thought of kissing her.

Up to this point now, I’ve only ever been in long term relationships with guys. I’m also not out to most of my family yet, and I don’t feel ready. (it’s an even longer sad story)

Anywho, my recent ex and I were together for 3 1/2 years. The sex was mostly vanilla because he had no kinks. 😭 anyway, I found out in November he had been cheating on me, on and off our entire 3 1/2 year relationship.

well he’s gone now and I’ve decided to be single and work on bettering myself before I even put it in my head to go on a actual serious date. (Maybe casual dating for now.. but when I’m ready)

I’ve recently got this sex toy for myself and I’m gonna be honest, it was a disaster at first. I would cry after I couldn’t orgasm because my ex would pop in my head and I would be flooded with all kinds of emotions. 🤦🏻‍♀️

it’s gotten easier to put him out of my head now, of course, but it still happens every now and then. And now I find I can only cum when I think about women I’m really attracted to.

But the thing is, I’ve never had sex with another women, and thinking about my sexuality sometimes makes me panicky and anxious, not because I haven’t come out to some of the people in my life, but because I don’t even know much about my sexuality and what it means to me and it’s kinda effecting my “me time”. I just haven’t given my sexuality a lot of thought because I was with a man for so long, and he used to mean so much to me, but now it’s just me.

I guess I just need to know..advice?thoughts? Something that might make things more clear, or maybe just make me feel better or less insecure about all of this. maybe even some relatable stories? Does this even sound normal? 😥 Just go easy on me you guys. Of course, I’m not looking for any judgment for my decisions or feelings. 🙏🏻