I wish I were happier for this child I carry. I can’t imagine why I’m not. I have one beautiful son, and a husband who loves him. The thing is though, I’m two months pregnant, almost three, and this baby does not get the attention that my first pregnancy did.

Before, I would note every little change. I would take photos, and I would look up names I liked. With this pregnancy, I might as well not be pregnant.

Whenever I think about it, my anxiety goes up. I have cravings and nausea, but I just don’t feel happy about feeling miserable, like I did last time. I do want this child. I am excited logically, for this child.

A huge part of me feels like maybe I am depressed. Maybe this is why I just can’t get happy and do the things other pregnant moms do on here. I have even stopped checking on the forums, or logging my log. I went for a check up today, and I was sad because the pictures were indecipherable.

My husband is in the military, and leaving us next month for a few months. This has contributed to it. Even he doesn’t seem to notice that I’m pregnant. Maybe he’s trying not to be sad about leaving. When he goes, it will be just my son and me here. All of our family live in different states.

I recently moved to a town where everyone knows everyone... but no one knows me. I don’t like having people I don’t invite, to be constantly in my business. But I am also having a hard time making mom friends in this town. Everyone I meet seems to not want to have play dates. It’s hard feeling lonely.

I don’t have the money right now to create the new baby’s room. I don’t have the manpower to move the furniture into the new baby’s room. I don’t have the motivation to even think about design ideas.

My husband says we’re going to have a girl... because he knows I want one. I’m not that optimistic. Our son was supposed to be a girl. I feel like maybe once I know for sure, I will start feeling those happy pregnancy moments, but who knows. When I hit 20 weeks, I’ll be all alone with nobody to celebrate with me.

Well, if one good thing can come out of writing about your thoughts and emotions, at least it did here. Thanks to this post, I have realized why I haven’t taken an interest in this pregnancy. Thank you depression.

This is such a pointless, erroneous, post. Thank you readers for taking the time with it. I’m sorry for putting you through my emotions.