Lately, I have been feeling depress. I thought maybe it's nothing. It will pass and I'll be myself again. My energetic self to play with my girls and be happy.

I feel like this have been with me before my marriage and now it's destroying it. I don't love my husband like I should anymore. It's like for him to listen I have to have sex. When I do, I later regret it. It hurt me because that's all I see people want from me

My brother try to engage sexual act with me when I was young up to until my first child 18 year old and sometime after until I was married 2 year later.

I was neglect even before then.

There will always be a trigger to bring back a memory you try to delete. Back when I was maybe 12, my sister and I left to chill (not to meet men) we was just chilling when two adult men start talking to us. One left with her and the other stay with me. He try to put his penis into me not long after 😭 thankfully it fail. My mom was always staying by another man so me and my young sister was always home alone. My dad was in the picture, just was on another island trying to get us by him.

When my dad finally file for us, I though that empty feeling my mom had left would be fill. He was constantly working, trying to feed 8 child on his own. I become a teenager and find out about sex but never had any till I was 16. My dad would constantly say thing like "I bet y'all had sex back home and call us" I didn't. I was happy living with him but I fear talking to him about his son trying to interact with me. My own brother.

I wanted to feel love so I went searching for it. I meant a guy that I though loved me. He was 1 year older than me. He would call me in the night, text me morning in the day. I was happy but all he wanted was sex. He force me into losing my virginity. He word quoted "if you want us to be friends or together, you must have sex with me." One of my oldest sister was there, she let him take me. I though that would keep him but it didn't. I just wanted to be love. His friends then all wanted to have sex with me even my sister boyfriend. I become a ho fucking anybody I though loved my soul. Each time it fail and I get worst. Between that year I might had sex with 15 man. Even man 10 year older than me. When I see that rkelly case I get sad cause even though I was looking for love, those older man should of just talk to me then putting their dick in a very dumfoud teenager. I had a job, meet a guy that lock the door for his friends to have sex with me. Couple month later, I was pregnant. Social services got involved. I was excited but nervous that I was pregnant. I was beaten by my dad so severe I end up having a miscarriage. I hated the world! The one chance I had to love someone and their love me back was gone. I won't much a ho then I wanted to died. I meet an officer that I would call whenever I felt that way. It helped upon till he fucked me. You would think he know better. Even the JROTC major had unsafe intercourse with me. This all in 2 year. I won't only looking for love but food. My dad had 8 child and 2 job won't doing much. Basically, I was selling my bodying. I did run away while still in high school pregnant. I was running from my pain that I didn't want for my daughter. Even with a big belly, adult male would have intercourse with me just so I can have a place to sleep. I left home because I was an embrassment my dad say.

After I had the miscarrige I got in a fight because I was insecure. I know she was talking about my life because I told her just to get thing off my mind. A teenager shouldn't be stressing but I were. I could of face 5 year in prison. I was pregnant with my child those time. the esystem failed me! It was to be a self defense case after all I was raped and had a miscarriage but their walk free smh

When I told my 1 St daughter father I was pregnant. He said he couldn't have child. His girlfriend I was unaware of was always pregnant. I did eventually move back in with my father after my brother left. Before my 1 child turn 1yeae old I was married but not after I got pregnant with his daughter.

I love my girls but this depression is getting to me. I can't count how much I try to commit sucide because it's too much. Someone told me, after I try to drown myself, "the one that live always regret their jump"

My dad sometime get upset because I choose having a child then going college. He don't understand those baby save me when everyone else fail

I know I need therapy but how can I again speak in person to someone when their may talk behind my back

I apologise for the word error. I was crying throughout this post