Please tell me at some point in motherhood you have felt like this too..... and I’m not just a bad mommy.

I’m guilty. I’m guilty of being that mom that has reached her witts end. I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant with an 18 month old daughter.

My daughter, from day one, was an instant mommy’s girl. Those blue eyes admired me, those little hands clung to me, and the snuggles with mommy were like no other. Now she’s grown into a walking, babbling, bundle of love, but her clinginess has only gotten stronger. In these last few weeks of my pregnancy, I can’t really even walk out of the room without her crying. Little pitter patters chase behind me with the ever so subtle sound of a teary muttered “mama”. She doesn’t want to play with her toys unless I’m in the floor playing too. She wants to be in my lap, up under my feet, or if I’m standing, in my arms. Even the last few nights, she has had to be in my arms to fall asleep. Even when her daddy comes homes from a 10 hour work day, she still only wants mommy.

I know. I’m terrible. I’m terrible for feeling the overwhelming feeling of frustration and smothering. I am well aware that time passes entirely too fast, and I will miss these moments. As a matter of fact, immediately after I feel frustration, I feel guilt. THIS is what I’m here for. I’m here to be her mommy, her provider, her comforter. That’s my job, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

I worry about her as her little brother will be making his entrance any time now. I worry she’ll think mommy doesn’t want her as much or mommy is being mean and pushing her away. I worry that all this time I’ve spent feeling frustration with her clinginess will be memory of regret for not picking her up no matter where I am or what I’m doing, not hugging her constantly, not putting her to sleep in my arms, not getting in the floor to play with toys though everything on my body aches. I worry. Immensely.

Her little heart knows nothing but the deepest love and longing for me, so how can I feel like I need a break? How can I feel like I need moments by myself without her? Why do I feel smothered by her? I guess I’m human, and at some point, all mommy’s feel like this.. or so I have read.

It’s funny how it happens, though. The feelings of frustration and smothering pass, and I want all of the kisses, love, snuggles, and attention I can get from her. Some day, when that day comes, and she doesn’t want to climb in my lap any more, she doesn’t want me to play with her toys, she doesn’t need to see everything I’m doing, and it just annoys her to be in the same room with me, I pray I’m not too hard on myself for all of these little moments I’ve lost or been frustrated with. Life happens, and for now, I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I’ll be mommy.