In 6 days I have been diganoised with moderate preeclampsia, put on strict bedrest told I’ll be giving birth in 8 days (I thought I had 31 days left), had to cancel my baby shower, been fighting with my boyfriend most days and my apartment has new upstairs neighbors that sound like 24 hours a day they are having loud rough sex and stomping on the floor.

With my preeclampsia I got pretty much every symptom. I’ve had a head for 3 days that won’t go away with Tylenol (doc said my blood pressure isn’t spiking but staying consistent and since i get it checked every two hours she’s not super concerned), blurred vision, dizziness, shortness of breath, you get the jist. I gotten to the point I’m just miserable and had to cancel my baby shower for the second time because I can’t stand being around light due to the headaches.

My baby shower was the only thing I was looking forward to until my delivery as I haven’t seen any friends in months and missed them. Only 3 of my “friends” and family members RSVPD 😔. To me that just shows I’m so unimportant to people that I’m not even worth 2 hours of there time in 6 months. I didn’t ask for gifts or expect anyone to get me anything I just wanted to see everyone and they couldn’t do that....it just sucks. Now it doesn’t matter because it’s canceled because my body can’t support my son any longer and that makes me so sad.....I feel like I’m robbing him of so much since he doesn’t get that extra time to get big and strong in my belly.

I had to go on bedrest at 34 weeks and That means I can’t work. I saved up a lot (5k ) while I was pregnant because it was important to me i could take two months off work ( I don’t get payed maternity leave) but that’s not gonna be able to happen anymore due to me having to take off 3 weeks prior to his birth. I failed at being able to stay with my son.... that makes me feel the worst out of everything.

My boyfriend and me fight all the time about stress and pregnancy stuff and baby stuff and it’s just a mess. Tonight he came home at 8, didn’t say a word to me and just went to bed. I don’t know what I did to piss him off now but I guess it was bad.

Finding out I’m gonna be induced so early is rough on me. I had a plan for a natural water birth and now I won’t be able to do that. I also wanted this last month to prepare so I could be the bed mom I could ever be when he came and I don’t get that now. I feel totally clueless and unprepared and scared. I feel like I’m gonna fail as a mother and he’s gonna hate me and I’m gonna hate myself. I just wish I could keep him in a bit longer. This should be so exciting and I am excited but I’m just so scared I can’t enjoy preparing for my baby. Walking makes my head pound, half the time I feel like I’m drunk because of how lightheaded I am and it just sucks.

This preeclampsia, babyshower thing and induction happening so soon really just rushed emotions towards me and I needed to rant. If anyone listened thanks