Idk anymore...

For 10 years I have been trying to conceive. I tried everything possible. I even started ordering different supplements online. Nothing has worked. Then one day I told myself, I was done trying and I was over it. If God wants me to be miserable an unhappy, I guess that's gonna be my life. So for a while I did not not about wanting kids. But lately the feeling has came back and I've been crying every night before I go to bed. I pretend to be ok an happy in front of people but I hate my life. I hate that I wasn't gifted the option to have a child and not struggle to conceive. I hate it all. Idk what to do anymore. People look at me and think that I have it all together or that I'm just living this great life but deep down, I'm hurting. I'm hurting bad. I try my best to promote self awareness when it comes to depression and I'm even the one people call for problems they deal with. But honestly I am at a point of no longer wanting to live in this pain.....idk I just don't know anymore....