The girls and I woke up today. For a moment I forgot what was going on, and suddenly the feelings, the hurt, the anger, the loneliness washed over me. I miss him and I hate that I miss him I’ve begged for him over and over to love me for the past 6 Weeks. He left the weekend our second was born (six weeks ago) and came back as someone I don’t recognize. I did whatever I could to make him stay. I let him walk all over me, endangering myself and our kids in hopes of him changing back. I’ve realized no matter how i look at it, there was absolutely nothing I could have done to make him change. I can’t control someone, no matter how much I want him to want me and his daughters, it’s his choice and its his loss. Is today easier than yesterday? Only because I was able to finally cry on my grandmas shoulder without worrying someone was going to make fun of me or feel bad for crying..

I still feel broken. But I’m starting to see the specific broken pieces and even though I can’t fix him maybe I can fix myself