Ever since my daughter Mila was born almost 2 years ago, I realized that my "normal" severe depression turned into postpartum depression. I was told then that I had a higher risk for it but being 17, I guess my thoughts were that I would be fine and that it couldn't be any worse than the depression I lived with before. I was wrong. I had such a hard time coping even with the help of my mom and Mila's godmother. After everything that happened in 2018, my depression got worse to where I was spending about a week at a time in bed and I was late to work almost every day because I couldn't muster the energy to get up. I had my daughter Raven 11 days ago and today was horrible. I thought I would get lucky this time around since this pregnancy had been atrocious.... I was wrong. Today I had to call my stepmom for support and suggestions for what I should do. I couldn't stop crying and at the moment I can't even remember why. About 7 hours after that, Raven started crying and I cant take it. I was crying and frustrated and so angry. I've had extreme intrusive thoughts (mostly about someone taking her in my sleep and why I can't trust anyone) that hinder my sleep and eating. I haven't been hungry but when I do get hungry, after I eat I'm just in pain. I threw my phone and I almost screamed. I wanted to know how many other moms have PPD or PPA.... I feel alone😔 sigh