Self-Love💖

Um so idk how to start this to be completely honest but I guess here we go. For the last two years I’ve been in a loving relationship with an amazing guy. He helped me through soo much , such as learning to let people into my life after years of abuse with my father. It was honestly in my mind perfect. Yet there has always been something in my heart that has left me questioning is this what love actually is? About 6 months ago I left for college is Philadelphia well he stayed home in Wisconsin for college. In that time thing have gotten really rough and toxic. There’s nights I would go to bed crying because of how bad things where. It just seemed that all we did was fight and yell. And sometimes it seemed to be based on the distance purely. I have also been personally struggling a lot with my mental health, as I was diagnosed with Bipolar ll disorder about 3 months ago. So about a month ago I broke up with him. I felt like I had lost so much of who I am. I feel like I was living purely to be with him. Which is fine in essence yet isn’t the way someone should live. So I broke up with him to find myself. I love him to death and I can honestly say he is the man I wanna spend the rest of my life is. But you need to have love to give love so I needed time to find the love I was missing for myself. In this experience so far I have learned that I need to grow and develop my self confidence and happiness without relying on others so much. I have also learned that it okay to be loud and crazy. You shouldn’t care so much what other people think. I learned that I love expressing myself and laughing endlessly. I also am still working on trust, and being 100% open to my heart being in the hands of someone else. Today was the beginning of that, after breaking up a month ago we have hung out the last couple of days and determined we aren’t ready to get back together officially. Yet we both are going to work together to grow and develop in order to come back together. I have never been the person to just enjoy the moment because I’ve always been so caught up on this. So worried and anxious about the future that I wasn’t enjoying the present. Today was different though. I sat there and enjoyed just being with him. And at the end of the night when he kissed me I never have felt so much love and respect for not only us but for myself. I honestly never thought I would feel that, ever in my life so here I am writing in order to share my love with the world.