I got accidentally pregnant at 19, now I’m 30 and on Clomid.

When I was 19, I had unprotected sex once. I don’t remember all the details, but we were warming up without a condom which lead to completion without a condom. I blamed him for finishing, but I should have known the risks. I thought it’s only once, I won’t get pregnant from one time. Well I did get pregnant from that one time. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I knew I shouldn’t be a mom that young. I had thoughts of it wasn’t meant to be yet. I was still in college and while I made a plan to try to be a mother and finish college, I didn’t have to test my plan. I had a chance to get my life together before parenthood. I made that my goal. I wanted to be a mother, but I wanted to provide a good life for my children.

Fast forward 11 years and I’m currently on Clomid, second round. Still no children. 5 miscarriages later, including the first one at 19. I did graduate from college, twice, with my bachelors and masters degree. I learned my lesson and practiced safe sex. I focused on my education, got married and started my career. Now here I am, ready to be a responsible parent, but it isn’t happening.

I was relieved after my first miscarriage at 19, then grief from the loss hit me late. I spent several years thinking “I should be a mom right now”. I feel like I’ve spent 11 years of my life waiting for my real life as a parent to start.

I hate that I was that person who “accidentally” got pregnant so young, but now I’m having scheduled sex and taking fertility drugs, but cannot become a parent.

My husband and I have been trying for 18 months and we decided that we are only going to try for 2 more cycles. I’m in the TWW of the first cycle of two remaining. I’ve got all my fingers and toes crossed.

I’ve been to an RE, I’ve had all the tests run. We fall under the unexplained miscarriages category. My RE prescribed Clomid for 3 cycles and after that he recommends IUI. I can’t take the risk of a paying all that money for the procedure and the have the possibility of still miscarrying after an IUI.

If after these 2 final medicated cycles we are not successful, we are starting the adoption process.

I’m ready for my success story. I would love for that success story to be a healthy pregnancy with a beautiful healthy baby, but I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to be that person that tried for 5 years before moving on to adoption.

Please send me all your pregnancy vibes if you have them. All your thoughts and prayers.