Feeling heart broken

So we are in the green im ovulating and we cant try after ttc for 11 months. I go on the 25th for a LEEP. Im freaking out but the saddest part is we want a baby so bad and now we have to throw in the towel. I feel so heart broken and scared. I have three kids and my fiance has three kids and yet we still want one more. I feel selfish wanting another baby but i guess we will see what the outcome is.