When is it my turn? :(

Jamie💋 • mom of 2 Boys on earth, ❤️ 👼🏻 3/9/19 👼🏻 1/2/20 👼🏻 4/14/20 🤰🌈 Due 3/2020
So this is me just being selfish and annoyed...I have been ttc for 9 months now. I have extremely irregular long periods and cycles. Since my SO and I started trying in January 3 people in our immediate family and friends circle have announced their pregnancies. I'm so incredibly happy for all of them but I still have this hole in my heart that wishes it was me. I have one incredible son already and I just want to give him siblings. I feel like my husband is frustrated with me because I'm not getting pregnant and wasting money on pregnancy tests, and vitamins, and preseed, and fertilaid, and pregnitude, and different home remedies. It was a miracle that we have our first angel. This time I feel like I need to make a deal with the devil or something. I fear it might never happen. I know women try for far longer than 9 months but I have had such long cycles that I only have had 5 cycles to try in that time. I just need some uplifting and kind words. The people I would normally come to with a problem like this are pregnant and I in no way want them to feel bad for being pregnant.