Letter I didn't get to give

This is for my half-brother. I didn't know him well but he killed himself Friday morning and my heart is breaking.

You had it rough, maybe you never really had a chance. I look at your life, your struggle, your heartache and I wonder what could I have done to help. Would someone telling you that you matter, you have a purpose, you are wanted here; would that have changed your mind? Were you doomed from the start because of who your parents were, where life took you?

Why did I get saved from all of it? Why did my life turn out so differently?

I want to sit with you and learn about your life, your dreams, your fears. I want to hear your heart. What was the last straw? Could we have all carried a little bit of your load or was it doomed to fail?

I'm sorry you didn't see a way out. My heart hurts that life was so bad you didn't see another way. I wish I could have, anyone could have shone a light to show you a way out.

Although I didn't have the chance to know you well we shared the same blood. So for my part I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurting so deeply. I'm sorry you are not here anymore.