My husband and I have been TTC for 2 years with one early loss in February just after valentine's day. It has been the hardest thing ever to say the least.

Yesterday, I found out that my cousin is pregnant. She is 80lbs soaking wet, an alcoholic and she was addicted to meth for 3 years. Shes planning on telling our family during our Easter dinner next weekend. That was my plan when I found out I was pregnant before I lost it. I would have been 12 weeks on Easter and it would have been perfect.

I usually love family events and look forward to them but now I am absolutely dreading it.

My cousin was not trying, and my whole family is going to wonder how the hell she will care for a baby. And most of all, when she announces, they're all going to look at me for my reaction since everyone knows about our struggles. My family is very close.

I dont even want to be in the room when she announces. I don't want to be there. Easter is ruined for me now. I feel like I'm being selfish but I just cant believe that she conceived and I can't.

The world is such a cruel place...