I just went to my first OB appointment yesterday and I was told i'm having a miscarriage.. i've had 2 others and they were hard but not like this. I feel so deeply depressed and numb. I can't get any sleep and I can't stop crying. I feel such extreme guilt even tho i know I had no control over it.

I feel like I'm bothering everyone around me bc they all act like it is no big deal bc "it was just a bundle of cells". To me that was my child no matter how early i was and I lost him/her. I feel like everyone thinks i'm being dramatic but they don't know my pain and how much I loved my baby already..

Whats making it even worse the girl i work with is only 1 week ahead of me so I have to watch her grow and be happy when I should be going through that at the same time. I'm going to be constanly reminded of my loss and what I don't have. I know its not right but I resent her so much for that and I cant even look at her.

I just want this heart break to stop. I want this emptiness to go away. I just want to feel some sort of happiness and to look forward to something but I cant.