Me and my fiancé found out we were pregnant in December and at first I was happy, because I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks prior to finding out I was pregnant again. Then things started to settle in and I had to really start thinking about it. Were we going to be okay if we decided to keep the baby? Would we be able to make ends meet every week? Am I physically and emotionally ready to do this again? And it hit me that every question I was asking myself the answer was always no.. I had my 20 week appointment last week and found out it was a boy! Most mamas would of been happy to get an ultrasound and see their baby and find out the sex but me? I wouldn’t say I wasn’t happy just much rather hurt. I didn’t talk or make any comments my whole ultrasound. After my appt I sat in my cry for 20 minutes and cried because I realized I couldn’t do this. I’m currently 21 weeks now and last night I had to make the toughest decision of my life.. Giving my baby up for adoption. I know some people say don’t give up your baby just because your struggling in the money department and trust me it’s not just that. I’ve thought long and hard about this and it hurts me to go through with this but I have to do what’s best for my kids.. but I feel like a failure. Like what kind of mother am i? Who just gives up on their baby? Am I being selfish? I feel like I failed my baby already and it honestly hurts. I know I’m going to get a lot of hate from my family and going to get judged but at the end of the day this is what’s best.. even if that means not being able to call this baby mine anymore.

Dear baby boy,

This decision I have made has to be one of the hardest but I do believe it’s for the best for all of us. And just because I’m giving you to a different family doesn’t mean I love you any less then I do your brother. I’m sorry I failed you and I’m sorry your not staying with mommy. But your going to have a new family that you will call your own and they will love you so much. But I want you to know that your bio mommy loves you even though I had to make this decision.💙

This post isn’t meant to sound hateful to any other mommy out there that has made this decision either. What I wrote is my thoughts about my situation.