Bi female

Hi, I'm a 30 yr old female, educated and professional. I fully enjoy sexual encounters with a female. I do not want to be in a relationship past sex with a female at all at most friends outside of sex. My attraction to women is completely sexual. My attraction to men is romantic, emotional and from the heart. Ok, I get all of my pleaser from pleasing her. I have a female friend I play with who is so much fun to be with But I hold back and I don't let her go down on me because if she makes me cum it's like I instantly feel a sense of shame or guilt and want to run. Until next time we hookup. And no one knows about us at all, no one would ever think of it either. I just can't seem to get rid of these feelings tho. I want to let loose and be free with her. What can I do to get rid of these feelings. Im 30, and I'm completely comfortable sexually with a man. I don't know what or why I feel like this when being with a female when I enjoy it so much!