It's been three months since everything happened but I finally feel like I can talk about it... My third pregnancy, first boy, both my girls are completely healthy and were born premature. One at 36 weeks the other at 34 weeks. So fast forward to this pregnancy, finally getting a boy. Everything is going well, at 28 weeks end up in the hospital for preterm labor. Two doses of steroids and magnesium. Spend three days at the hospital before being sent home. 32 weeks and I have a positive fetal fibronectin test, two more doses of steroids. Constantly having contractions that my doctor's and midwives don't seem too concerned with. 34+4 (a Tuesday) go into the hospital for decreased fetal movement, after 2+ hours of being there they feel confident enough to send me home. 35 weeks (Friday) at home dealing with both my girls having the flu. That night back into the hospital for decreased fetal movement, within 1 hour I had already had a bpp ultrasound, acoustic vibration test and lab work... No good change in fetal heartbeat. I had to be put fully under for an emergency C-section to get him out as fast as possible... He was immediately intubated and taken to the NNICU... I didn't see him for over 12+ hours. Within 2 hours of me seeing him they were transferring him to a hospital 3 hours away for better care. So less than 24 hours after my surgery I rode 3 hours to be near my son. He stayed with us for a week. The longest, shortest, hardest week of my life. He had some many problems and no one knew or knows what caused them.

He had multiple blood clots, some in his urine on day 1, a clot so big it blocked all flow to his left kidney, one very close to blocking his liver and the BIG one... Completely blocking all blood flow to his brain... At 6 days old we were told our perfect baby boy was brain dead. So the following day we removed life support and held him without any tubes for the first time.

He stayed with us for 53 minutes and was perfect. He passed away in my arms and I cannot explain the heart break we feel. The hardest part was the fact that I never saw his eyes open, I never heard him cry, I wasn't able to fix him... My beautiful Dierks Crawford Callaway was born January 11 and passed away on January 18.

My heart truly has a hole in it. I love and miss him so much. 💔💕💙