A little over a year ago I lost my virginity and my first kiss to a guy friend of mine.

Without getting too specific, a good way into flirting and feeling each other up (which I had never done before), he asked me to kiss him. I really didn’t want to have my first kiss with him, but I didn’t vocalize my discomfort. He went in for the kiss and I didn’t kiss back.

“Kiss me,”

I was nervous & I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I kissed back.

About an hour later, he led me to the top level of the mall’s staircase. (We had gone to see a movie.)

I ended up on my knees (consensually, if nervous) getting oral. After he pulled away, I thought we were going go get up & leave, but suddenly he put his penis inside me.

I got no warning. He didn’t use a condom. I didn’t get to ask if he was clean or not.

I was startled & scared but again I didn’t vocalize my discomfort. We had sex & afterwards he pressured me to give him oral. We didn’t get caught, somehow.

I hate thinking about that night. We dated for 5 months after it. He led me on for 6 more. He’s still in my life but things are very tense now. I’m hoping to talk to him about that night soon and the difference between basic consent and enthusiastic consent.

Thank you for reading my story. Feel free to give me any insight on the situation, and if it actually counts as sexual assault.

- A 17 year old girl

(Edit to thank those who’ve been giving me kind words and reassurance. The event still kinda shakes me, but I am gradually telling those I trust about it. I actually told my mom a few weeks ago and she’s been my strongest support so far. Again, thank you.)