Almost 32 weeks and struggling

Hey all. Please don’t leave any judgmental or hateful remarks. I need support and I’m at a loss as to where to find it.

I’m 25 years old, married, and almost 32 weeks along. I’ve been really struggling with my pregnancy since we found out about it. We planned for 3 months, and the tests were all positive on the 3rd try.

From the morning sickness, to the discomfort, to not feeling sexy, to even crying myself to sleep some nights because I’m so exhausted, this has been pretty rough on me.

It’s my first time getting/being pregnant, and a first for my husband, too.

I just feel so overwhelmed with self-doubt and although my siblings are rockstars and wonderful supporters- super lucky and blessed and grateful for them, my husband isn’t so much like that.

He’s so quick to judge and then, after we fight, apologizes because I get so mad and frustrated after I defend myself to him.

He’ll say stuff like “Well, you were so sexual with everyone else, not with me...”

Me? Oh. I’m sorry. Want me to throw up or be in excruciating pain when we have sex because you feel like it? Well, why didn’t you just say that? Let’s do it. I’m actually MORE interested now.

It just bothers me how insensitive he can be. Of course, it’s not always like that, but I’m carrying your child. It’s not easy. It hurts. It’s not fun for me. I’m already beating myself up about it and feeling horrible that I don’t enjoy my own pregnancy. I don’t need you to add on right now. Every time we fight, we make up in the end, but we do that so often. It’s not just all hormones and stress anymore. We’re both scared, nervous, and anxious. We’re on the same team. He just doesn’t seem to get that or care. Or maybe he does, but he won’t communicate with me. I ’ve told him multiple times that we need to go to therapy and work things out. He refuses to go. I know I can go in my own, but even when I work out my own problems - and I have enough of them, I’m not going to sit and blame him because it takes two to tango, I still want to resolve our issues as a couple.

On top of that... I’ve been really sick throughout flu season. Just nonstop.

Now I have bronchitis so I’m taking meds, resting, and getting healthy for our sweet baby.

I’m just... struggling. I hate myself for not liking being pregnant. I feel like a horrible mother already. Everyone always tells me that they loved being pregnant and it was so magical for them. I felt that maybe during month 4-5.. that’s it. I don’t want to complain, but I need help. I feel like I just want someone to tell me that it’s normal to feel this way. That I’m doing alright and doing my best.

Any advice?