Baby talk goes turns evil.

So I tried to have a baby talk with my mom & she weirdly turned my expectancy into a venting session for her grudges and hate towards me.

I mainly had this discussion because I wanted to see what type of support she would provide being the grandma and all and this what I got:

1. I made her fight with everyone, from my aunt and uncle when I was 13 (I’m 24 now), to my neighbor who molested me, now my molesting neighbor hates her & it’s my fault because I fight with her and my sister but I didn’t fight the molester. Which is funny for her to say because I was fighting with a police in front of her, but I’m a punk in her eyes because I didn’t fight the molester. & I don’t know why she would want to remain cordial or neutral with a man who touched your daughter? Just because we’re neighbors? Can someone help me understand this logic.

2. She doesn’t wanna hear about the baby

3. The guy I’m having a baby with is nobody special & she’s an old woman who would never take a second look at him. I mean yea, I definitely do not expect you to have the same taste in men as me.

4. I need to leave men alone & I only go to men for sex. I didn’t understand this because I have had genuine relationships with all the men I’ve encountered excluding sex, but all she sees is sex for some reason. I love love, romance, and bonds. What’s the matter with that?

5. I need to grow up

6. I am the only person in the family who doesn’t hustle

7. The few seasonal minimum wage jobs I have had, and I have nothing to show for it.

8. I haven’t graduated college yet

9. I don’t have a car

10. I don’t have a name for myself

11. She compared me to my cousin who is about to graduate with an associates just like me, she just has a car.

After that she was basically trying to spell bind me. Saying stuff like “the day you have a kid you’ll see what it’s like” and I think it’s pretty messed up for a mother to wish hardship & misery on her own daughter just because that’s what she experienced. I was never the perfect child but that doesn’t mean I deserve the duties of hell to be released upon my little family and I just because my mother is bitter and petty that I’m pregnant.

I know I don’t have it all in line. Still looking for a job, still enrolled in school, still in this house that’s not a home, but great things are coming to me, for me and I know it with all my heart. I just wish I didn’t have to pray for protection against my own mother because her negativity and evil is so astronomical that I need supernatural protection. & I know when she’s on her deathbed some day she will be apologizing to me for all of this, I just know it.

I will never be what she says, I will never be the things she wishes. All her words she uses against me she will eat them back up, because that’s not what God has in store for me.

I am looking for a foster mom now, like a woman who can mentor me and stuff because God knows I need it.

- if you stayed till the end, thanks for reading.