You can’t handle the truth?!?!?!

Question

Ladies, I have a question. We all know the saying 
“ the truth hurts” but does it heal ? 
My bf and I have been together for about 4yrs now. He has admitted to cheating 3x. The most recent times was a few months back. He was talking to his sisters sister-in-law( his brother-in-laws sister). When we have an argument, it comes about him cheating. I have tried to not only forgive him but to move forward. But it has been really hard for me. Today, I told him I wanted to leave. He said he doesn’t want me to leave and asking what he can do to make it better. I have already told him about a yr ago what would help me and he laughed it off and said no. He wasn’t doing what I asked. So fast forward to now. I feel like I have already given him so much and I was the one apologizing when I shouldn’t have every time it came up. Just this last time when we had a conversation about moving forward and taking big steps like buying a house. I asked him to be honest with me bc I’m not feeling fully confident about myself and I wanted to hear the details about him cheating and all he would agree to saying was how many times. So it went nowhere. Here we are today, and I’m questioning myself am I asking for too much to hear the details about him talking to other girls and meeting up with them. (He did say he didn’t have sex with any of them). I feel like if I heard it all I could move on. I could quit doubting myself, him, and our relationship. Whether it breaks us up or we move on and continue. I want to hear it all. So ladies, I want to know am I crazy to want to hear the details..... THE TRUTH about him cheating? Or should I jus let it be? Find a different healing method? Other than to leave. Because I know I can do that even tho it may kill me to leave.

Answer

If he’s cheated three times and you stayed, he’s more than likely going to cheat again. Don’t waste your time on a loser. Four years is not very long to be dealing with that.

Answer

The details won't help. Instead you will have a very vivid visual of him cheating on you. And that will play over, and over, and over in your mind. Ignorance is bliss. The fact that he cheated is enough. The fact he cheated multiple times should have been more than enough. A man that can do that doesn't have respect for his partner or their relationship

Answer

my advice is to let it go. 
there's no reason to keep pestering him, either forgive him and move on, or leave him.

Answer

You definitely aren't crazy for wanting to know the truth & understand what happened. 
I would want to know even if I was leaving! 
People have different ways of coping with these things, and it seems like you want him to show you the respect to be completely honest. 
I think you should leave, though. He laughed at what you needed to move past it? He did it all again? Your relationship is getting too serious for how shitty it actually is. I'm sorry :/ 
I know it sucks. I've had to do the leaving thing and I'm still butthurt about it.

Answer

If that's what you need to heal then yes
I would want to know all the details too because that's how you decide if this is going to be a repeat thing or if he is really changing

Answer

Honestly, it depends. I was in a similar but different situation.
My boyfriend and I decided we need time apart, and we both said the other could see  other people. About 2-3 weeks later we hung out, slept together, and then cuddled and fell asleep together. We saw each other every week after that and while we weren’t officially back together, to me it was close enough and I remained committed to him. I asked him a few times if he had been with someone else because I just wanted to know and he said no. A few months later I was getting ready to move into my own place that wasn’t far from him and he asked me if I had been with anyone. I said no, not at all. He told me he tried to sleep with someone but he couldn’t do it. It hurt and I ended up flirting with a coworker for my last week at my job (nothing happened or even came close, i made it clear I loved my boyfriend and wasn’t actually interested. We just laughed at each other’s jokes too much. We never complimented each other or anything like that, it was very minor flirting). He told me it was before him and I started seeing each other, which hurt because that means it took less than 2 weeks. But he didn’t actually do it so I moved on.
A few months go by and he slipped up during an argument and said they went out and did shit, but wouldn’t tell me what. Or who. And I spend forever obsessing about it. Not long after he picks me up from work and says he needs to talk to me and it’s serious. He proceeds to tell me the girl got in contact with him and said she had chlamydia (she told him as soon as she found out, I didn’t hold it against either of them) and he should get tested. Him and I had been having unprotected sex so I obviously had to get tested. Me being me googled EXACTLY how you could get chlamydia and the symptoms. I knew it was an std obviously but I wanted to know more. It said you could only get it from vaginal, anal, or oral. Which means a lot more happened than I thought, he made it seem like they started hooking up but he stopped. 
I finally got him to tell me everything. It was a girl we both had a history with, because he wanted to hurt me. And they had sex, which to me was better than oral (to me oral is more personal) and anal (him and I had been talking abiut doing it togrther for the first time, so the thought of it happening with someone else really hurt).
I asked him why they didn’t use protection and he said they did. The condom broke and he immediately put a new one on, which I fully believe because him and I both tested negative. 
It was all very hard to swallow and the first few months were hard for me. I stalked her social media to see if they were interacting (they weren’t, he unfriended and unfollowed her), I couldn’t stop thinking about the two of them together. 
But the point of this long ass comment (sorry about that, it kinda all just came out) is that eventually, knowing everything did help. I knew what happened and my imagination wasn’t running wild anymore. I knew who so if her name popped up I’d know it was the girl he slept with (she hasn’t, aside from the std) and I’d know if he was liking or commenting on her stuff. He’s promised me that he cut all contact because she kept asking him to do it again and he couldn’t be less interested (she’s very vanilla and he’s very..not). It still hurts me sometimes if I think too long, but I have forgiven him. It wasn’t technically cheating but it feels like it was. So in my experience, knowing details did help me move on. But when I first got them, it killed me.

Answer

Hearing the details probably won’t help at all. He’s cheated 3 times so you should just leave at this point. You deserve so much better than that

You can’t handle the truth?!?!?!

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