Wasn’t supposed to happen that way

Sit down, grab a snack, this is a loooong one. I’ve been wanting to post this for a couple of months, but I’ve been a bit nervous... 🤷🏻‍♀️ This is how I fell in love with someone I wasn’t supposed to fall for...

So, I was about 2 months away from turning 19, when I was a manager at a fast food restaurant. We had hired this kid who was really good, so he’s like “I’ve got a friend who wants a job”. So we hired his friend, B. He was a couple weeks from turning 17. They were both still in high school at this point. I’m not really sure when it happened, but I started to develop a crush on B.

The only problem was that both of us were already in our own separate relationships. I think I was with my boyfriend A, for about 3 years at that point. A and I had had a rough relationship from the beginning. We were constantly fighting about everything, because we both wanted different things. He was my first boyfriend/love, so I thought that’s just how it was. It was mentally exhausting at times though. I spent the next 2 years selfishly thinking that he would change for me and he spent it thinking that I would just give in and eventually be happy with something I wasn’t.

So anywho. We both had someone else in our lives, but that didn’t stop me from developing a crush on this kid. At this point, I was living with my roommate who also worked with us. So we occasionally all hung out together. She had invited B over for dinner one night and I had invited A over as well and I cooked some burgers. A ended up being late and gave me a shitty excuse about studying for college, but I found out later he was playing video games.

I remember one night at work, I had sent B home early and I there was something I needed (I don’t remember that part though), so I called B and he immediately turned around and helped with whatever it was. It was that night that I really realized that there was an issue. When B had left, I texted him “do something to make me hate you”. He asked why and I told him that I needed to hate him because I couldn’t like him. It was inappropriate to like my employees. I really didn’t want to like him, at least not like that. Well, he admitted that he had a crush on me when he first started working there, but it had gone away. He wrote a note to me, answering some of the questions I had texted him before. Then he straight up tells me that he doesn’t want to ruin anything between me and A, so he can fix it by finding a new job. So, he did, about a month after that all happened he found a different job and quit.

I brought up everything that had been going on with him to A. I was always very honest about it. I told him that I thought there was an issue, I felt like I getting attention from someone else that I wanted to be getting from him. I got really upset when he didn’t seem to care. All he seemed to care about was whether or not we were breaking up.

So once B was out of the picture, I put all of my energy into fixing what I already had. I mean, B was fun, but he was just a crush and nothing would ever come of it, right? A and I fought on and off, still having the same problems over and over. Some months went better than others. I stuck with A for about 2 more years after that. I begged him to move out into our own place. I was told several times that he would after “this” or “that” happened. It honestly seemed to me that he had always had a reason not to move out with me. So it came to the point where my lease with my roommate was about to expire, so I had to make a choice. I decided to move into his room, where we lived with his parents and his grandmother. He promised that we would move into our own place the following February, once he was finished with college and had a good job.

The months passed and I became severely depressed. It got to the point where I would wake up wondering what the point of anything was and wishing I would wake up dead. I had been on my own or with a roommate for the 2 years leading up to that point. Then it was like moving back into my parents place, where there were rules and they constantly told me what “was best for me/us”. I brought it up to him that it was putting me in a bad headspace and he asked me why I didn’t like his family or being there. I had to explain to him, it wasn’t that I didn’t like his family, but that I was completely taken out of my comfort zone and put into something very different. He didn’t like talking about it and would tell me that I was childish for being so impatient about wanting to move out.

He graduated from college and the next month proposed. I honestly didn’t want to accept, but he had proposed in front of both of our families and I felt like I couldn’t say no. We went out of the country for a few weeks with his family and I was in such a bad place mentally that I didn’t even get to enjoy the experience. It was there, for the first time in about a year, I started to think about B. It was sudden and out of the blue, but I thought about him daily. I contemplated leaving A.

When I got back to work, I asked the kid from earlier about B. He told me that B was moving to Tennessee. I messaged him asking him when he was going to tell me he was moving states. He just responded that the kid was an idiot, because it was Kentucky not Tennessee. 😂 I later found out that he actually had a job and apartment lined up, but he chickened out the day before he was supposed to move. The week after I messaged him he had reapplied and started working with us again. My feelings came back immediately.

I’m not sure how it started, but we started to stay late after work and would talk for hours. I was still with A at this point. Although I had told him that I was moving into my own place with out without him. He chose to continue living with his parents. I continued to stay late after work and hang out with B and a few other people. We would stay after they all left and continue talking. He called it our therapy sessions because we would both talk about how unhappy we were. Neither of us knew the other had feelings yet, until one day I randomly told him that my feelings never went away. He confessed that he had lied the first time before he quit, he told me that he had feelings up to the time he quit.

At this point I was in the process of getting money together to move out and the courage to call things off with A. It took about 2 weeks for me to fully come to terms with it. A told me that he figured that it was going to happen. He told me that nothing would ever make me happy and that even if he had moved out I still wouldn’t have been happy. He didn’t really have a reaction to the break up, meanwhile I was shattered. I was giving up something I thought would be the rest of my life. I was still in the process of moving. So most of my stuff was still at their place, and I never wanted to go home after work, so I would stay late after work looking for reasons to not go home. There was one night B and I had closed and we left at 12a, stayed in my car till 9a just talking. I asked him to honestly tell me how he felt about me and he just said “I can’t say that I love you, but that could change”. I just kept telling him I didn’t know what to do and he said “you’ve got 3 choices; you stay with him, leave and be single, or leave and give this a shot”. And he looked at me and told me that whatever I decided to do it would turn out alright. I was already in love with him at this point, and I told him that I wanted to give whatever this was a shot, but that I needed some time. He told me that was fine and he would wait.

I moved into my own place and gave the ring back and decided to choose my own happiness. I invited B and a few work friends to my place to play some games. When everyone left, B and I laid on the floor across from each other and stayed up talking until I had to be at work the next morning. He came over nearly every night after that. A few months later he moved in. Which brings us to today. I am so incredibly happy with the decision I made. I do regret doing some of the things the way I did, but choosing my own happiness was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I know it seems like we moved quickly and yeah we did, but at the same time it was something 2 years in the making.

Anyways. I’m sorry this is so long, but I wanted to share it somewhere that people probably won’t know who I am. Also. I’m not really funny, sorry bout that too!! 😝