Hello everyone. my bf and I been together almost 6 years this summer. I have my first cold sore outbreak in our relationship about two months in. He’s never heard of cold sores or seen anyone with them in his life so it’s always been hard for me. No one in his family ever had one. Every time I get a cold sore I stay at my house and don’t let him see me until I’m at the scabbing phase. I have full size lips so when I get a cold sore it’s like a flipping ball on my lip. It’s caused a lot of insecurities for me. My bf also has ocd with germs he needs to disinfect everything and constantly wash his hands and anytime I get a cold sore he sprays the bed and sheets and pillows which I understand I do it as well at my house. But as we researched further into coldsores it basically says you can transmit even without having a present coldsore so it’s like how do I know when I’m in the clear after an outbreak came and went? I always give two weeks and usually wait until any itching, twinges, burning symptoms are no longer experienced for 2-3 days then let him know I’m all clear my last cold sore was the beginning of February. That was the last time I kissed him it’s now almost May and no kissing and he keeps asking when he can kiss me again but I never know since I deal with chronic stress which is my number one trigger. I’m so afraid of infected him that I just stop kissing him and I never know when I’m in the clear because I experience symptoms every now and again of an oncoming cold sore so it seems like there’s never a good time. And I know some people may say he knows what the risks are of transmission and he does, but if I can avoid giving him this especially when he has so much anxiety and it’s his appearance, then I’ll do why it takes. I currently keep an abreva on me at all times nd take Valacyclovir 1G twice a day. I just want to not have fear of a cold sore coming or getting transmitted control this relationship. The more I research HSV 1 the worse my views and paranoia get. I just want a spontaneous happy initiate relationship. I’ve even stopped going down on him all together for like almost a year now because I never know if I’m in the clear. Everyday my lip (on the place where I get a CS) gets swollen like it’s filled with fluid and then it goes away. Or sometimes the lip area gets really smooth and soft out of no where then I goes away after a while and that’s like everyday for months. Idk what it means or what to do about it but it’s causing me horrible anxiety.