At a Loss

I’m currently seven weeks pregnant. I have other children, and my husband and I have to live with my parents due to financial struggles. It isn’t ideal, but we do have our own space so it isn’t necessarily crowded. I can go days without even seeing my mother, which is nice. We are working toward getting out, especially considering the negative environment my mother creates. My husband goes to work, my dad usually works from home if he isn’t out of town, and I take care of my toddler while my oldest is in school, so it’s just my mother and I, typically. The last time I was pregnant, things escalated so quickly and so badly. We would get into violent arguments with yelling and cursing involved. It makes it harder upon myself having to wean off of medication for anxiety, and with the added hormones I tend to feel a lot of rage and am unable to bite my tongue when I am made angry. This wouldn’t be such a problem if my mother wasn’t the type of person who thrives upon negativity and drama. If it doesn’t currently exist, she either actively seeks it out or creates it. She’s very much a “woe is me” person, always the victim and always right. You cannot tell her otherwise, I’ve tried. This time around, I warned her by saying I did not want and could not have this pregnancy be the same with all of the fighting, that I absolutely refused to live that way and to please respect that. She had looked at me so confused. That was nearly a week ago, and since then she has tried to start multiple fights with myself and my husband. I will never understand her. She lies often and changes her story up constantly, always thinking we are so gullible and that we believe her. And if we even so much as suggest that we don’t believe her, we are the bad one and should feel so guilty for it. She is constantly trying to justify herself and her actions and she talks about how good of a person she is to others. I feel like it’s her way of making herself believe it because she knows the wrong she does. A lot of what I experience with her is abuse. I’m so ready to get away from it all and have a healthy environment for my family but we just need more money. For now, I’m trying my best to avoid her. She will go out of her way to come to me or text me something confrontational. I try to ignore her or just tell her what she wants to hear so she will leave me alone, but it doesn’t always work. I’ve even overheard her lying about me to family members over the phone. She does the same to me about other family members, and I should know now that I’m no different. So, I don’t know, this is just a vent about her and her ways. It goes a lot deeper than this and gets more twisted, and I’m not the only family member that sees it, fortunately. She just knows me enough to know what buttons to push, and it’s her favorite game to play, although she’d claim otherwise. I cannot even talk to her about how I feel or her ways, she gets way too defensive and won’t even consider my feelings. It’s a terrible feeling not being able to talk to your parents about something that upsets you so greatly. They’re very much “my house, my rules” and have no respect for others and believe they are the only ones owed respect. I’m nearly 30 and treated like a teenager. They want answers to how we are going to raise another child as if they’re owed an explanation. It isn’t their life nor their business. I guess I just get tired of their God-complex. It’s such a dire situation to remove ourselves from. I’m so afraid it’s going to get very bad again as we’ve argued for days now. I’ve never experienced a stress-free or happy pregnancy solely because of my parents, mainly my mother. Misery truly loves company.