It shouldn’t be normalised but he used to hit me and it would leave a red mark

I cry when the kind teacher told me off

I cried when people looked at me

I told myself to be sad because I was drawing too much attention to myself by doing things that meant I was happy like making loud noises pulling faces

I told myself be sad hate yourself in 6th grade because of him

last year he was mad about something I said and he held his fist at me in the lounge room so I get really scared going there

And then again in public when I refused to cross the road with no crossing to wash my hands when I didn’t need to so the public thing doesn’t make me feel safe

But then what he fucking does he goes back to fucking oh joy happy silly dad WTF I WELL JUST THEN I VIOLENTLY THRASHED I CANT SIT ON CHAIRS AND DO MY HOMEWORK BECAUSE I DO THAT AND ALMOST FALL OFF

I DONT KNOW IF ITS EVEN FUCKING NORMAL BECAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS HAPPEN TO HAVE SHIT PARENTS TOO

IM JUST SO CONFUSED I DONT KNOW WHO TI TRUST

even fucking better he’s about one search of the username I’ve used for many years to finding out I’m transgender I’m literally fearing for life sometimes I’m going to headspace but I just don’t know

Is this something I should worry about I don’t know if it’s that big a deal he doesn’t smack me anymore

Flinch count: 4

Extra

And then when I want him to knock he’s like this is my house I hear him bloody laughing st the tv now

And he kisses me oh fuck that hurt my neck (flinched) I hate it so much and I tell him stop and he goes Ugh

And I tell him his method of sitting me down and telling me why I make him feel bad till I cry is bad he tells me that’s just how he is

I’m just so scared I just want to leave

I still don’t know if I should feel bad for avoiding him and not talking to him about me