Need to get it off my chest

I know I’m going to be called dumb and stupid and I know everyone will ignore my post like they always do ..but I don’t have friends or nobody to talk to ..about 4 years ago I meet my husband after 8 months I moved in with him and his mom and right that month I got pregnant ..while I was pregnant I found out my husband cheated on me with a girl on Snapchat but he said it wasn’t physical just through text but I don’t believe him and he told her that he regretted getting me pregnant because it ruined his life ..it broke my heart so I left him and after a week he told me he was sorry and I took him back because I was pregnant and I still loved him .. after I had my daughter he cheated on me again with his ex through text again saying he missed her again like a dumbass I took him back .. after a year later we started having problems because I have anger issues so I started hitting him when he would get me mad and he would do it on purpose I would notice and I know that’s wrong ..but even knowing that I got married 2 years ago because I thought we would be happier ..well after a year of being married this girl messaged me saying she has a kid with my husband and she had him when we started dating 4 years ago well I asked him and he said he did have sex with her but that ain’t his kid and I ignored it again because I have no respect for my self obviously !! .. so I ignored the girl ..well me and my husband started fighting more and more until he told me he’s leaving me because I would hit him and I’m ashamed to admit i begged him and begged him cried my eyes out because i didn’t want him to leave me and he took me back ..I realized that it was my fault to because hitting ain’t right so I changed I stopped hitting him raising my voice calling him names because I loved him ..and after a month I realized he didn’t even try to change he was acting the same ..I told him how i felt and he always watches tv while I’m talking to him or he acts like he didn’t hear me and I have to repeat my self ..well that day I looked through his phone and I found that he was talking a girl asking her for nude photos of herself and I asked him why again and he straight up told me it’s because you never want to do new things so again like an idiot I took him back and I said ok I’ll try whatever you want ..well it’s been almost 5 years and as I’m writing this I feel defeated because i honestly don’t know what to do or I do but I don’t have the guts to do it .. as I’m writing this he’s sitting next to me and I’m crying and he’s watching tv laughing at his show ..the reason I’m crying is because he told me that he didn’t want to take care of me that I need to find a job when he knows I’ve been looking stressing out and he still rubs it in my face all he does for me ..at this point I don’t know what to do anymore I have nowhere to go I just know I deserve someone better I’m not perfect but I know this is not living ..I just don’t know !!! I didn’t right this for attention I just wanted to know if anyone is going through the same thing to please message me because I need someone that knows what I’m going through !