Birth story

It's been nearly 2 months since I've given birth but I had a pretty rough time so I wasn't keen on sharing just yet. We didn't take pictures during the birth. Only after, so all I have is my story.

I was 41 weeks when I was induced. The induction process was horribly painful and I was super drugged because of the pethidine. If I could have a do over I'd do it without the peth as it made my baby super drowsy and made me forget so much of my birth.

I went in on Monday night at 11 pm to get the induction process started. At 12 they put a tampon like object inside of me to get the induction going. The nurse told me that my uterus is still quite high so this is going to be a looong process. They didn't check me every hour to see how I was dilating. They just put the monitor on to check my contractions every hour. I asked for pethidine at about 11 am Tuesday morning and again at about 3 pm that afternoon. The pain was getting unbearable. At about 7pm I threw up because of the pain and at the same time my water broke. Just as the dr said, my water was very little and it trickled down, it wasn't a gush as most people experience it but then again I had very little water and is the reason why we chose to induce.

I begged for them to get me the epidural and the nurse finally checked me - I was at 6.5cm dilated. They never tell you effacement here like I've read in so many of your posts. They took me to get my epidural. I was super scared but I felt nothing. Unfortunately the epi only worked on one side of my body and on the other, I felt everything. Within minutes the pain on that side started getting so much worse and I was screaming to get a c section - which I guessed it meant it was go time. I felt like I couldn't do it and I was so scared. The nurse checked me and confirmed I was fully dilated but the baby was still a bit high up. I had to do practice pushes to get her down while waiting for the doctor. They discovered that my baby is in a posterior position, which I knew would not make this an easy birth. In this time they also turned the epidural down so I could feel myself pushing. It felt like forever, but the doctor finally came in and I started pushing. He assisted me using vacuum. My husband was such a good coach, he was almost pushing as hard as me😂 I pushed with all I had but my baby wasn't crowning enough, so the dr had to snip me. As soon as he did that it wasn't long before she was out. She came into the world with the cord wrapped around her neck which restricted her oxygen. She was nearly off to the NICU. But my husband started talking to her and patting her on the back and her oxygen levels came up slowly❤️

Madison Rose born 03/19/19 weighing 7, 6 lbs and 20, 4 inches tall😍❤️ I was so inlove.

In my hospital stay I passed two big bloodclots but didn't think anything of it. I was feeling great. I got to go home 2 days later and everything was going amazing. I was breastfeeding and she was feeding like a champ.

I was so pumped to be a mama and winning at this breastfeeding thing. Being sore and having stitches down there didn't bring me down. It was too good to be true.

On Friday morning, 3 days post birth I was getting ready to bath and dad was watching baby. As I was having a pee I felt this huge thing between my legs bulging. I tried getting up to see what it was and it started lowering more. What happened next I was never prepared for - I saw a big ass ball of red just hanging there. As it started lowering, blood started gushing out of me. I thought I was about to die and that my uterus was falling out. My husband was freaking out.

We called my doctor and he told us to come in. I couldn't even get up from the toilet - we phoned an ambulance but they took way too long to get the address from us. So I wrapped a towel between my legs and threw my gown over me and my husband carried me to the car. Luckily his aunt was already on her way to see the baby, so we had asked her to stay with her.

At the ER they diagnosed me with post partum hemorrhage. What came out of me was at least the size of a hockey ball. It was placenta that never came out after I had given birth. Along with blood clots. I was severely anemic and given iron pills and they discharged me the same day.

Over the next few days I was super tired. Taking care of baby was a lot of effort, and I had felt weaker every time I breastfed but I was still determined. On Sunday I had a nap, when I woke up my husband stood over me trying to wake me and I felt like I had been smoking pot. The room was spinning and I felt extremely exhausted, I could barely stay awake. He rushed me back to the ER, leaving baby with my mom. At the hospital they checked my hemoglobin levels and it was even lower than on Friday. I would have to have a blood transfusion. I stayed there the night while getting 2 pints of blood. Oh my God being without your baby is the worst. I was crying all night.

I was discharged the following day but my struggles didn't stop there. Allthough I felt better physically, mentally I was screwed. I was convinced that I am dying of blood clots or a heart attack. I guess what I suffered from after is what you call health anxiety. And I still do now. At times I felt like I was about to have a heart attack because of the heaviness on my chest and heart palpitations.

I am on medication for my anxiety and it has been going sooo much better. I am blessed with my amazing baby and she is so healthy. I've chosen to stop breastfeeding so I could just heal and look after my baby myself instead of leaving her to everyone else. I am working on getting my supply up so I could breatfeed again in the near future❤️

This is her now❤️ I am so blessed to be her mama