Self esteem post baby

So during my pregnancy my boyfriend practically never wanted to have sex with me. I had to like coax him into it and it was always for maybe 5 minutes tops and he would only do doggy style because he didn’t like seeing the bump and then could never finish (which he didn’t care if I finished) then I would have to give him a blowjob. Now cut to after baby and before I got cleared he basically was nonstop trying to get with me. Once I got cleared he tried one time. It’s been weeks. And since, I’ve “caught” him doing the deed himself quite often (and lying to my face about it) and watching porn even though we’ve talked a million times about how much it hurts my self esteem when we don’t have sex but he has the drive to jerk off and looks at all of these perfect women while he does it. It’s been an issue for a long time but now I really just feel like garbage. I’m covered in stretch marks, I have a csection scar, im flabby, my boobs are saggy and my nipples are enormous, I’m overweight, and my skin is now terrible. We talked last night and I thought we were okay and come to find out he was watching porn and doing that just before, which was the first time I got out of the house and left him with the baby (for 2 hours mind you). I feel like he immediately gets on a porn site when I walk out the door. Then lied to my face about it. I really want to have sex and be intimate because it’s been soooo long. But I can’t even look at him without being disgusted because of it and then even when I want to forgive him I just imagine how unappealing I am and am disgusted with myself. Sorry for the long post... but does anyone have any advice for this? I’ve been trying to eat healthy, take care of my skin, I’m going to try to workout. And also please don’t judge for the fact that my bf watching porn and jerking off upsets me. I used to be okay with it but he asked me not to do it bc he doesn’t like it and that I should “wait for him” if I’m in the mood... so that’s where my issues with it started. I’m to the point where I can’t even have a conversation with him and when he touches or kisses me it physically like makes me sick. I don’t want people to think he’s a terrible person bc he’s not. This is just the one really big issue we have. And before pregnancy we had an amazing sex lied and did it every day and he always wanted me and cared about my needs.