Oh dear... things never change

To my wonderful and beautiful wife

Hello it’s just me, I’m not really sure what or how to say what’s on my mind,it might be a little scrambled lol, but here it goes.

First off let me say this I love you more then anything in this world and without a doubt in my mind you are the love of my life nothing makes me happier even though it might not seem that way at time but let me Insure you,you are thè best thing that has ever happened to me , and you gave me the best gift of all and that is yourself and our four wonderful kids which I cherish with everything I have.There is not a minute of the day that I don’t think about you everything I do is for you.

I’m am sorry for everything I put you through I am horrible .

For when I was saying divorce it wasn’t ca use I wanted one it was cause I didn’t know how to make the arguments...stop the questions it was infuriating me .

for the change that I want for us , I want to rebuild us. Like a fresh start forget the past. I want us to talk about what’s going on in our minds when feeling stuff like what bothering us and even simple things , what I want is to be more affectionate towards you and going and find stuff for us to do together for whatever that will be we will just have to look and try new things oh before I forget for the reason I say you have a ice heart lol it is because I never see any emotion from you other the. Normal or mad I need to see that softer side of you ugh idk I’m losing my train of thought but it all comes down to is I want us and if I have to work things out like anger issues and showing affection I’m 100% on board with that cause there isn’t anything more important to me then you and our family.

I have a bad habit of keeping people at a distance and not letting them in fully and that is my mistake I do that to protect myself from hurt and I know now that that why I don’t show more affection and that’s gotta change and it will I promise some of these things that I have mentioned will take sometime but like the preacher said “take your stubbornness and put that towards changing but not giving up on change until it is changes” and I tell you thing made a lot of since to me when I talk to him and as for Dustin and oh I told the preacher about me being stubborn lol that has to change to an extent.

I know that I hurt you by my actions or lack of and things like that will be different . Have to say I’m stubborn and don’t like being told what to do lol and for somethings to change I need not to feel that way but that’s on me to work out so never mind what I just said. I do know how I am and what I’m doing that is wrong and that needs to change and I’m working on that and not stop until it is worked out . It’s over due these changes and there are days that b don’t react to things I was in control but there’s more days that I wasn’t. So therefore I’m gonna change that by counseling and talking with you.

I won’t us to be more open to each other, we need more communication like you said .

This is all the truth and I don’t know what else to say .

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ya I’m fucking laughing

My husband of 14 years sent me that after a 2 week separation period.

Anyways first 3 days home FANTASTIC

I did tell him if he ever said divorce again and disrespecting our marriage and me again like that I would divorce him so fast his head would spin you don’t say that unless you want one and I did present him with divorce papers and he said he didn’t want one

I told him hearing divorce over and over and over the last several months has fucked me up so bad I was questioning his love for me does he want to be with me etc. and my depression went from 0 to 80 in a matter of months and it STILL does not seem like he understands

SO NOW

If we argue he doesn’t say divorce now he says I can’t handle you, I don’t know how to handle you, this is too stressful, this is too much, I don’t know what to do you’re too much the fuck like you really think me hearing those things is OK because when we argue I never once have said we should divorce or I can’t take you anymore or hurtful things I don’t get why he does this

And the arguments are ridiculous

Like according to him he feels like he does everything, I’m like a husband and wife should want to do nice and kind things for each other and he said yes but they should also ask it doesn’t need to just be done that’s not how things work and so I was like so if I want you to buy me flowers instead of you surprising me with them I have to ask for them? And he said yes....

The fuck do I do lol ?????

I mean I already told him hearing divorce so many fucking times has had me questioning everything and my depression has gone out the fucking window

I told him about my depression and he only said well I have it to

But to be 100% honest no matter the argument little or big I have never once looked at my husband and said let’s divorce or any other nasty things just to end the argument. Why would I it’s disrespectful to the marriage and him and to him it’s OK to say these things just for an argument to end...