I’ve been having terrible thoughts...

Lately I’ve just been feeling really sad and alone. I have been thinking about getting an abortion... miscarrying... something so terrible as to where I would lose my baby. Idk why... I know it’s a blessing but I never imagined myself having a baby. I’m currently 15+3 with my first and these thoughts keep running through my mind and then I would sit and think about it and how my life would just go back to how it was before I got pregnant. I’m miserable, I sad, I’m alone (I was lead to believe that I would never be alone or feel alone during this pregnancy but, he lied.)... I feel gross, and not at all like myself... I haven’t been happy and I try to come off that I am happy and everything is fine with me to my family but, once I get alone I just cry and cry and think these thoughts and hyperventilate until it feels like I’m going to have an asthma attack. Idk what to do... I am completely lost in my own head. Do I need help? Not criticism or someone talking down on me.. actual mental help? Is this normal? I’m