I wonder if I would ever be a good mom.

Sometimes I wonder, I’ve had a lot of bad things happen in my past, I still cry over it every day I don’t tell anyone that I cry, I have family but they’ve done me so wrong by not teaching me the things that I need to know, out of fear of me becoming something or out of fear of me getting hurt, I never appreciated the fact they lied to me so much I always look for something to give me this adrenaline rush.

I sometimes forget to take care of myself and I try to schedule everything in my life all the way down to the small things that most people can do on their own without writing it down or making an alarm,and sometimes I wonder if I would become a good mother or if I will ever be a mother, it’s like I’m OK with not being a mother, but at the same time,I am fixated on becoming one, I think I could become something beautiful.

I don’t want to (not) do the things that are required to be a mother,but as most people know there is no perfect way to be a mother.

But I know I want to be this beautiful person that I was as a child,But through all the things that have happened Worry takes over more than anything.Meditation is my only escape...But man There’s Nothing anyone can tell me that can fix this. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Well So I think.