I'm Exhausted

Over the past four years, I've been discovering my mental illnesses (Anxiety, depression, bipolar, DID) and whenever I make a decision, especially during mania, it goes south and continued to haunt me. Don't have insurance, so I can't get proper counseling or meds, I feel sick after a conversation about a stuff I've done (granted I alienated family and friends, got pregnant, married, separated, relationship with another guy that my ex had once said he was okay with, and have been told that my ex wants me dead). I've done a lot and I'm trying to fix things and get myself better for my son. Trying to take things slowly so that I don't end up screwing myself over again. I've gone through trauma and abuse because of my decisions. And I'm being constantly reminded of that fact.

I just want to heal and get better. Stop making me relive the past.