Baby blues

I’ve always get like I was meant to be a mom. I knew that the day I gave birth to my bubs I would just fall in love with him right away. I was so attached to my bump, I would listen to “goodnight moon” in the bathtub and rub my belly, playing with him as he kicked.

When the midwife pulled him out of me I felt so... disconnected. My bump was gone and this little stranger was laying on top of me. I loved him immediately, but I didn’t feel connected the way I did when he was inside me.

It’s been almost 3 weeks now, and although I’ve enjoyed him and loved him so much, I felt so guilty that I didn’t feel the way I always thought I would. I wanted him back inside me, I wanted my bump back.

2 nights ago, he was fussing and I decided to play “goodnight moon” while I bounced him around. His eyes opened wide and he quieted down. He put his head on my chest and every so often he would lift himself up to look at me. I finally felt our connection again that I was missing so much. I played that song on repeat for about an hour while I cried. I’ve felt so much better since then.

I’ve talked to a couple family and friends that I trust and some admitted to feeling similar after birth. I wish this was something I was ready for. I’m just so glad I’m finally feeling the way I thought I always would.