I just need to get this off my chest

Most ppl have a dream jobs as a kid. Well for me love is my dream. To fall in love with someone who will love me back just as strong and as passionately as I do for them. And I was in love and I was so God damn happy, that I was to damn blind to see that he didn't love me back. He broke my soul. Love doesn't just hurt, love is so much worse then that. And idek how to make myself whole again.

I hate the way I feel when he looks at me and I hate the way he gets under my skin. But most of all I hate that I still love him.

I have been fighting with depression and anxiety for about 2 years. But a year ago I started cutting. My friends saw them and told my sister, who told my mom. I went to a doctor and they put my on meds and I started seeing a therapist but after a few months I stopped going to the therapist bc she wasn't really helping me.

In February my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me. He was my first of everything. But he cheated on me and used me. I just wish I could hate him but I cant.