I wasn’t mad on Mother’s Day. Sure I was disappointed that I haven’t been able to receive the gift of motherhood yet....but in reality it triggered a lot of emotions for me.

I was mostly sad. Sad because I doubted ever becoming a mom. What if I never get to celebrate a Mother’s Day?

I’m the only one in my family who hasn’t had a baby. Everyone from brothers, sisters, grown nieces and nephews all have children of their own. And here I am. I’ve been married for 10 years and We haven’t been able to conceive. Everyone else got pregnant their first time...(jealous!)

No one in my family knows we’re trying. For fear of judgement. Fear of them talking to their friends and social groups of our hard times. I can’t trust them.

But every time they ask when will we have children...it hurts....because if only they knew...if only they knew that every time I get my period it is heart breaking...if only they knew the many times we were so excited I was ovulating and we felt this was our month...only to be disappointed after a negative pregnancy test...

I wasn’t at the point where pregnancy announcements bothered me....but recently, I actually feel a tug on my heart every time i see an announcement....I don’t want to be that person that isn’t happy for others... it truly is a happy time for a couple and it should be celebrated!

I just want to give up...I want to give up trying...I already feel like testing my ovulation is such a waste of my time and money....why try so hard if nothing is going to happen?!

anyway, Thanks for listening....sometimes i just need someone to listen....

<3