Lost and confused

I was raped for years starting at a very young age by family members. I didn’t know what it was until I was in middle school. I’m in middle school now. I always have been afraid to go around guys because of it. I told my friend and he told me that the guys who raped me enjoyed fucking me. That hurt so bad because I was pregnant but had a miscarriage. I’m 14 now and I babysit from time to time and I try to protect those kids with everything. I don’t want those things that happen to me to happen to them. I went to therapy but stopped going. In 7th grade when I found out what it was I tried killing myself. Til this day I’m super afraid looking over my shoulders getting touched by guys at my school getting stared at by grown mean it’s terrible. I’m so lost and don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is pregnant now because she was raped recently and she tells me she needs me by her side to help out. I want to help her but idk how I can because time from time I get suicidal but people think I’m joking so I secretly started therapy again. I really need someone to talk to plz. Does me being raped count as me losing my virginity?😭😭