hi, so i’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late and really need some advice from anyone on here.

just to keep things short and sweet, my partner and i are complete opposites. they are very outgoing and social, while i am very closed off and keep to myself as best as i can. unfortunately, this leads to me having dissociative episodes—something my partner does not fully comprehend. they think i am just moody at the moment and that it will pass, but that isn’t the case and i have explained that to them before in the past.

much to my misfortune, i also have very deep abandonment issues. this can be a heavy factor in my dissociative episodes at times, and i hate it.

i always feel very clingy or dependent of my partner, but i don’t want to have them on a leash. i want them to be free and feel as though they can do whatever they please at whatever point in time. but i always seem to mess this up by closing myself off when they go out.

this is exactly what has happened tonight.

my partner went out with friends—something they usually always inform me of—and i initially thought nothing of it. until they just completely ghosted me for the entire day.

i felt alone, empty, and scared. i didn’t want to try and contact them—i had tried before and they didn’t respond. so i waited, and waited. for hours.

at some point i just kind of lost touch with myself and reality in a way and completely shut everyone out by the time my partner was back home. they’ve tried to call me, but i just can’t bring myself to answer.

i feel almost selfish by doing this, but i also want my partner to know how i feel when they do this to me.

i feel as though i am in the wrong for this.

please, help?