I got frustrated and hurt my baby 😢

I have a 1 month old, this is my first time getting frustrated with him I feel so bad. I kept trying to put him down for a nap but every 5 minutes after I laid him down he would wake up and cry so I roughly shoved the pacifier in his mouth and he let out a pain cry. I immediately felt bad and my irritation went away when I heard that cry and picked him up. I feel terrible for doing that. I think I’m such a bad mom already, my mom watches him basically every night so I can get enough sleep to take care of him during the day. That itself makes me feel bad, I feel like I should be watching him all the time like all moms do with their babies. I don’t feel like a real mom giving him up at night so someone else can watch him. It feels like the more breaks I get from him the worse I am at taking care of him. I just feel overwhelmed and stuck. I just want to tell him I’m sorry for putting him in a situation like this. I just want the best for him. I’m scared I’m going to turn into a mean mom because of how easily frustrated I get with almost everything. I don’t want him to have any emotional trauma or anything like because of me. I’m so scared I’m going to fuck him up mentally when he gets older.