i dont know what to do

my boyfriend and i have been dating for over a month now and yesterday he ate me out for the first time. for me and my boyfriend we’re each other’s first for everything, first kiss and everything, neither of us have been in a relationship before. i’m very very insecure of my vagina and before yesterday he’s never seen it i expressed my fear about how it looks and i was scared i was going to taste bad. he started to eat me out and he kept coming up and trying to get out of it saying would you rather do blah blah blah instead and when i said no to every one he just straight up told me that i tasted weird and didn’t wanna go down anymore. i know it’s his choice to do those things to me and everything but it crushed me so bad because he knew i was scared and still told me i tasted weird. he’s made every one of my first sexual experiences not something to remember, the first time he fingered me when he pulled his hand out of my pants and saw the discharge on his fingers he said he was disgusted.. i’ve given him oral for a month now just fyi :/. i know it’s his choice to do things to me i just feel really bad about everything and what he said. i don’t feel close to him anymore and i’ve lost so much trust in him. i talked to him about everything i just don’t know how to get over it and i still feel terrible